Hello, world. First of all, I’d like to thank you for the wonderful congratulatory wishes. Baby Dot is doing well. She just weighed in at eight pounds yesterday, and I think most of that weight is in her adorably chubby little cheeks! I had a somewhat tough recovery, but things have smoothed out quite a bit in the last week or so.
I’m not officially back on the blog yet, but I felt like I had something to contribute, so here I am. Actually, I don’t know if I’m adding any value as much as I’m looking for guidance from the wonderful work-at-home parents who read Freelance Parent. After reading Tamara’s weight loss post, I have to laugh a little and assume that this is the week to write about personal issues and get support from you folks.
So, I’ve been off work since January 25th. There are a lot of things I could say about this, but the main thing that comes to mind is “Thank God.” There is absolutely no way I could have actually worked while making this adjustment to motherhood. Those of you with children probably remember the first few weeks with your first child and just what a shock it was. There have been the obligatory night feedings, a bit of colic, and some fairly extreme nursing issues to deal with, for example. My hormones and emotions have conspired against me on several occasions, and there have been far too many times when I’ve just broken down and joined Dot in crying out our frustrations.
Like I said, though, things have been getting better in the last week or so. We still don’t have a regular schedule, but there have been occasions where she and I have slept for four continuous hours, and that does wonders for my mental health. She is an amazing little person, and it’s been awe-inspiring to get to know her.
It is with some trepidation, therefore, that I am preparing to return to work. My days currently involve living on my couch around the clock. Dot and I have been sleeping there to allow my husband to get enough sleep to drag himself to work; and it has the added benefit of allowing me to watch a little TV during the two o’clock/four thirty/six o’clock/whenever feedings. Dot doesn’t seem to enjoy spending time on her own, by which I mean that she constantly wants to be held . . . even when she’s sleeping. If I put her down during a nap, she’ll generally sleep about ten minutes before she wakes up fussing.
Being more-or-less physically attached to a baby for 20+ hours a day poses some problems for a freelance writer, as you can imagine. I can’t really even put her in a swing or bassinette next to the computer, as she always wants that physical contact. Having no concrete schedule also has its drawbacks. The idea of agreeing to and meeting a deadline currently sends shivers down my spine.
Remember how Tamara and I told you about our big “Work Hard” meeting at the beginning of January? Well, we have another one scheduled for next Saturday. At that time we’ll be figuring out how we want to move forward and what our roles will be for a period of time that will also be determined during the meeting. It will mark the first time that I’ve been away from the baby for more than about 30 minutes since she was born.
Believe it or not, I’m pretty excited about the idea of getting back to work. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed napping during the day, and I had no idea that the Ellen DeGeneres show was so fun, but I want to contribute to both my company and my household income. While I’m looking forward to getting back to work, I’m also completely terrified. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it. So far I have two ideas that I think will help:
1. Hire my cousin to come over for a few hours a couple of times a week to entertain the baby while I work.
2. Buy a baby carrier so I can strap Dot to the front of me and work while she sleeps in it.
Do any of you other WAHMs have suggestions that might help? While I’m looking for concrete ideas on ways to work with a baby in my arms, I’m also pathetically looking for simple words of encouragement. I know that you all have been able to make this work, so I can do it, too. Still, I’m so anxious and nervous about how to do it all . . .
After all these months on the blog, I am about to officially become a Freelance Parent!
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I’ve already told Lorna about this, but I thought I’d throw my two cents in with the rest of the world, as well. When my daughter was a colicky, colicky few weeks old, I actually got one of those voice readers for the computer. I’d stand and rock her while I talked into a microphone. The text wasn’t very accurate, but I could at least get my basic thoughts and structure down and go back in and edit when I got the chance. I got quite a bit of work done that way (it was kind of fun, too).
Lorna:
I don’t have any advice, because in a few months I will be joining you in the ‘freelance parent’ arena, and will be facing your same issues.
I’m just glad you are willing to share the problems that come up and your potential solutions. It’s going come in handy for me once August comes.
Can’t wait to hear from the rest of the readers with experience being a freelancer AND a parent.
holli jo’s last blog post..How to Avoid Getting Stuck in a Rut
First of all, BIG hugs!! I understand about having a baby who needs constant contact, as I have a now-toddler who is still just as clingy as when she was an infant. In fact, I am nursing her as I type this. A little too much information, perhaps, but you will learn to do a great many things with a kid propped over your shoulder, across your lap, or on your arm. The ability to multi-task is what makes us mothers so fantastically efficient.
Anyway . . . I was going to suggest the baby carrier, but it looks as though you’ve thought of that already!!
My advice: Hold your daughter as much as you can. You’re not spoiling her (contrary to invasive popular belief). She needs it and you need it too. It’s called attachment parenting, and that’s a good thing.
Baby carrier: Go with the African sling-style carriers. They’re basically pieces of sturdy cloth with a ring on either end. Find them online. Don’t waste money on the fancy straps and gadget things. Get a *real* sling to carry your baby, and you’ll appreciate the versatility. Trust me - I’ve tried five Western models and they suck. They also cost me a small fortune.
Take the time to recover. Hormones, emotions and shock of a brand new life for which you have no instructions takes its toll.
Instructions: There *are* none. All books provide cookie-cutter suggestions that may work for all but that mostly never work for *your* specific issue. Do what you can, go with your instincts.
Walk. A lot. With your baby. And talk. Mutter anything. Walk and talk and talk and walk. Do whatever it takes.
Kids are beautiful. Babies are a sh**load of work, honey, and you’re doing everything right by wanting to do the best. Dot’s going to play the poker game and up the stakes every time you call her bluff. You’ll survive; she’ll grow to be a wonderful person. Trust me.
Oh. Last bit of advice: No, don’t throw babies out the window into snowbanks. Even when you want to
James Chartrand - Men with Pens’s last blog post..The Importance of Suspending Disbelief
Hi Lorna, She’s a real doll. Some babies do not adjust to the freedom being out of the womb allows. Tight swaddling when you need a break from holding and wearing carriers often helps as can a stuffed animal with a “heartbeat.” (But not too fuzzy.) You’ll find your stride, so don’t force fit our coping mechanisms onto your personality and rhythm.
Deb’s last blog post..Sketch book: the fish tank
First, congrats! Dot is an absolute doll. James beat me to the sling idea—he’s absolutely right. As to any other advice, all I can give you is what I’ve learned. My third child is due in ten weeks, and I have a three and a four year old at home. I’ve freelanced since the oldest was a few months old. You’ll learn how to be productive with a baby in your arms, or resting in a sling. You’ll learn how to maintain your focus through chaos (believe me—there’s never a quiet moment at my house. If I had to have silence to work, I’d be broke!) You’ll learn to work with her and her rhythms, the more you two get to know each other.
But, here’s the clincher: she won’t be this little forever. And this period is over before you know it. There’ll be challenges ahead–just when you think you have it all figured out, she’ll decide to take up sofa-trampoline, or she’ll refuse to eat anything but saltines, or she’ll discover how much fun it is to just yell at the top of her lungs (yeah, been there!)
Think of it as honing your skills as a freelancer: you learn to adjust, you learn not to take everything so seriously, and you learn that you’re so much stronger than you ever realized!
Everything will be fine. Your life just got a whole lot more exciting
Loved hearing from you!
Great questions - here’s some of the stuff I did with new babies:
My first daughter was the same way - but we finally figured out at one point that it wasn’t just that she needed to be held all of the time, just that we hadn’t found the *right* ‘baby holder’ for her yet. The swing didn’t work, but a pillow-cushioned vibrating chair put her to sleep instantly.
I agree with some of the commenters above that a sling will work - until she’s about 5 months old and will want your constant attention. But by the time she can hold things and sit up on her own (6-7 months), she will start finding ways to entertain herself for short periods of time.
If you plan on having her with a sitter at some point in the first year, start introducing that environment to her asap, even for just a few minutes a day.
Most of all, don’t expect too much of yourself and Dot for the first year. Babies need a lot of hands-on parenting right now - which simply means less work, period.
I doubt you wanted to hear that last part, but its true.
Hugs to both of you!
The vibrating holder may trick her into thinking she’s being held. That worked for me, good god did my babies love that vibration.
The binky becomes a lifesaver once you stop breastfeeding- they get ATTACHED to that thing, whew!
Yes, I tried the slings too and they helped. I remember typing papers (I was finishing a BA) with baby in a sling! I also walked on a treadmill with baby in a sling when I was going stir crazy (which happens when you got a cold weather babe).
Work. Gosh, I don’t know. I wasn’t in love with any of my jobs until I strated freelancing, so I wasn’t in a hurry to get back. . . Once you have a mobile baby (I know it seems like forever) you’ll need a sitter so you can write more than 5 minutes at a time!
Gosh she’s so cute. Ugh, I can’t look at babies, it throws off my life plan lol!
Allena’s last blog post..Writers Work Wednesday
Gorgeous little girl, Lorna
I nursed while surfing. This was before I started freelancing but helped with productivity. I got pretty quick at one handed typing but word of warning..when you nurse on one side more than the other there becomes a noticeable difference in cup size LOL. Thankfully it went back to normal after weaning.
A motorized swing near your computer can help and when she’s upright an exersaucer can be great as can the activity blankets or baby gyms with a blanket near your computer. I think the idea of introducing a p/t Mommy’s helper early on is a fabulous idea too!
Do try to nap when she does at least in the first few months so you don’t burn out too quickly.
Congrats again!
Dana’s last blog post..A Writer’s Warning About Contract Clauses
Just found this blog for the first time…thought I would add my 2 cents. I do freelance PR from home and have three kids now.
When I had my first, I was able to work almost full time from home once she was about 3 months old. But, during those first few months all bets are off. Once she is a few months old you will get more sleep at night, and she will take predictable naps. Everything will change then!
For right now, like others said, you can do so many things while you take care of her. Do you have a boppy? I can nurse a baby on the couch, and put my laptop on an ottoman in front of me and have both hands to work.
Totally hire the cousin to come and help - great idea.
This is a matter of personal preference - but as she gets older I wouldn’t hold her ALL of the time if possible. I hope she’ll learn to nap without you holding her, because that nap time will be so important for working down the road. And in my experience, you can spoil a baby and you do have to gently teach them good habits (read: the habits you want them to have later. Attachment parenting is just fine, just pick your chosen method). I put my first daughter down a lot, and she was always very independent and would sleep alone, and entertain herself just playing. I got so much work done until I had twins two years later!
Good luck!
My first son hated the Baby Bjorn (he couldn’t see out of it), so with my second, I bought a wrap (a 5-meter swath of fabric that can be tied in a number of different ways, including on the back when baby is older). He LOVED it and I often wish I could still wear him!
That said, do hire your cousin if you need to, because sometimes you just need a break to feel like a human being again. Much luck and congrats!! Dot is beautiful!!
Sling, sling, sling! Actually, you may have to try several carriers before you find one that works, but once you do - Heaven. I was on call the first six months of DD’s life, before I became a WAHM, and I wouldn’t have survived those long hours on the phone and computer without a sling.
Sling is the common theme here! I have a Maya Wrap and I love it. It’s great for nursing out in public (I even nursed comfortably on my cross-country flight to California with her and no one noticed.)
My daughter is 6-months old and also was colicky and wanted to be held. We did find out that she had mild acid reflux (which many times is what colic is!). We tilted her crib mattress (after spending a month with us in our room) and kept her propped up using the baby vibrating chair during the day. Anytime she was on her back, she fussed from the acid reflux. Luckily, it got better by 3 months.
Hang in there! It’s not easy–but it’s worth it!
First of all, congrats on getting this far! Dot is a gorgeous little girl.
A sling is an EXCELLENT idea. If you want, you can try both a front carrier and a sling. Neither of my boys liked the front carrier, but were happy in a sling. Down here, you just make your own out of a big square of cloth. Fold it in half diagonally, leave the open points hanging down and tie a knot with the other two corners. Then put your head and one shoulder through and position the baby inside . . . tucking the open points under her body. Works wonders, once you get used to it and you don´t have to spend any extra money, a decent sized baby blanket works.
Using a chair that swivels is good, you can wear the baby, twist back and forth so she is happy and still manage to type.
A bouncy seat is also invaluable, you can keep it by your feet and use one foot to move it while you type. I still do this with my 9 month old sometimes.
Have you tried swaddling? That often helps when a baby doesn´t want to sleep on their own.
Oh, and one last thing . . . try putting her down with something of yours, a recently worn shirt, for example. My firstborn would only sleep if he had my shirt under his head . . . they like the smell of Mama.
Hope that helps. And don´t stress out too much, I don´t know a single mom who hasn´t cried her eyes out along with her baby. Sometimes you just need to shut the door and stand outside and calm down for a minute. But it will get MUCH better soon. Just wait until she starts interacting with you, babbling and smiling and playing games.
Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions and words of encouragement. I apologize for not following up on your comments earlier, but I got very, very sick this week. My poor husband had to leave work to take care of Dot because I was to ill to do it properly!
Anyway, I have a friend who is giving me a Baby Bjorn tomorrow, and I’m planning to follow Genesis’ instructions to make a sling to see if the baby prefers that. I’m really hoping that will make a difference in how much I can accomplish in a day.
Thanks again to all who shared your thoughts on this post. I’ve read and re-read all of your comments and will come back here often to review them, I’m sure.