My daughter hates the computer.  

I don’t mean in a cute way, like the way she is scared of the sound the vacuum cleaner makes or the flushing of the toilet. And I don’t mean in a slightly irritating way, like the way she is afraid of anything she touches that is followed by “YOUNG LADY, DO NOT TOUCH THAT.” 

I mean in the heartbreaking way, like the way she hates anything that means Mommy doesn’t want to play. 

Like all parents, from those trying to work from home to those whose home is their work, I have a really hard time trying to strike a balance between doing what I need to get done and giving my daughter the attention she needs and deserves. Trying to find fun, interactive activities on a daily basis is hard enough, but when I try to work a way in for me to not have to actually participate in that activity, it is even harder (and it makes me guilt-ridden). 

My daughter is young—she’s not quite two—so it is difficult to find ways to entertain her while still allowing myself the “freedom” to chain myself to the computer screen. Luckily, working in the freelance business means that I have a little bit of leeway in what I do. I know that I have four guaranteed work hours every day: two hours while she naps in the afternoon and two hours after she goes to bed in the evening. The rest of the time, I have to snatch a half hour here while she watches a television show or a few hours here while Daddy takes her to the park. This type of schedule makes it easy for me to meet long-term deadlines, such as when I give a client a delivery date estimate that spans over a few days or weeks. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult for me to meet shorter-term deadlines, including simply responding to email in a timely manner. 

I have already worked on a number of jobs that were based entirely on my ability to accomplish them as soon as possible. One company hired us to write a one-page sample letter. It paid pretty well, but the stipulation was that it needed to be in the client’s hands within three hours. In my former life, pre-motherhood, that would have been a fairly straightforward thing to do. In my current life, I had to find a way to allow myself a few uninterrupted hours to work. Luckily, my daughter was napping at the time, so the entire project came off wonderfully. Next time, she may be in what I like to call “The Mood,” wherein nothing will calm her but Mommy’s complete and devoted attention. If that does happen, I’m not sure how happy any of us will be—the client, my daughter, or myself—at the end of the project.  

“The Mood” has gotten in the way of several email situations already. I am a fanatic email-checker, as well as a very wordy writer, so I spend several hours a day reading and writing emails. When someone is expecting a fairly immediate reply, it is often difficult for me to ignore the tear-soaked pleas for “Mommy, ball?” to attend to the work at hand.  

Running a freelance business from home is hard work. My working day begins the moment I wake up in the morning and doesn’t end until I go to bed at night. My entire day is split between being a mother, being a freelance writer, and being a wife; it is pretty rare when one of these titles isn’t needing my immediate attention. The situation becomes even more difficult when you consider that I don’t get the luxury of separating my personal and professional lives. In the past, when I worked at an office, I would come home and just be home. I could turn the workday off and focus on my family (even though this usually meant dishes or cooking dinner). Nowadays, I snatch every spare minute I can to work on writing, sending queries, or editing—even if this means I am working well into the night.   

While I cherish the fact that I am home for my daughter each and every day, it breaks my heart to see her face crumple at the sight of the laptop being pulled out. And although I am sorely tempted to cover it in cheerful Dora stickers and stick lollipops to the power cord, I know that the only real solution is to teach my daughter (and more importantly, myself) that there are boundaries between doing what we want to do and doing what needs to be done.    

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